1. I am not allowed to eat cheeseburgers at the World Conference Meetings
2. I am not allowed to pass Canada off as part of the United States
3. I am not allowed to invade Cuba without a justified reason
a. For the record, I blame Ivan for the Bay of Pigs Invasion
4. I am not allowed to mention, draw, or have a nuclear weapon in the presence of Russia
a. Also means no reincarnation of the Cold War
b. I am also not to mention Ivan's failures in the Cold War
5. I am not allowed to brag about Armstrong, Aldrin, and Collins reaching the moon first, especially in front of Russia.
6. I am not allowed to threaten Japan with a third nuclear bomb
a. For the record, I'm REALLY sorry.
7. I am not allowed to hire France to rape England
a. Even if he really deserves it
b. Even if England is really pissing me off
8. I am not allowed to use derogatory, military, or slang nicknames for other countries
9. I am not allowed to use the word kamikaze in front of Japan
10. I am not allowed to mention the Rape of Nanking when China and Japan are in the room together
11. I am not allowed to mention "Uncle Joe" to Russia. It reminds him to much of Stalin.
a. For the record, I don't have an Uncle Joe.
12. After reading both Fablehaven and Animal Farm, I am not allowed to chant "Stalin can see fairies", especially in front of Russia.
a. Explanation: Fablehaven's "drink the milk", which allows you to see fairies, goes with the second chapter in Animal Farm where the pig representing Stalin drinks all the milk the cows just gave.
b. I am not allowed to explain this logic to Russia. I will be injured. It will start another Cold War.
13. I am not allowed to take POWs from Denmark.
14. I am not allowed to declare war on Communist countries or dictatorial nations in the spirit of democracy and capitalism
a. I'm still facing the consequences of the war with Vietnam
15. I am not allowed to call Native Americans 'Indians'
a. India does not approve of it
16. I am not allowed to play Yahtzee in front of Germany
17. Do not make jokes about Hitler and the Nazi salute
18. I am not allowed to allow Tony to make crop circles in foreign countries
a. It freaks them out
b. England, Russia, and Germany have declared that it will be counted as an act of aggression
c. England forbids Tony ever to enter his territory
d. Tony keeps trying to abduct Lithuania and bring him back to the U.S.
19. I am not to attempt to speak Danish
a. Denmark says I fail miserably
20. I am not allowed to mention bunnies to England
a. They make him nostalgic
b. He will try to convince me of the existence of 'Flying Mint Bunny'
21. I am not to arrange a blind date between England and France in an attempt to cause a fight.
22. For that matter, I am not allowed to arrange blind dates
23. I am not allowed to hit on Russia's sisters. Even if Canada does.
a. It will start a Cold War
24. I am not allowed to complain about winter to Russia.
a. Apparently he has it worse.
25. I am not allowed to treat Turkey badly because he is Muslim
a. I willingly acknowledge that the Islamic faith and Muslims are not evil people
26. I am not allowed to lecture China on safe working conditions in coal mines
a. Even if 10 times the amount of accidents occur in his mines as compared to mine.
27. I am not allowed to touch the Italy brothers curls
a. They are not like Nantucket
28. I am not allowed to rub in to Russia the fact that he aided me in the Civil War
29. I am not allowed to pose in the nude in the middle of Rome
a. Just because there are nude statues does not mean public nudity is approved
30. I shall not allow my conspiracy theorists to corrupt the minds of others
31. I am not allowed to assign tasks for war
32. Likewise, I am not allowed to plan tactics for other countries
33. I am not allowed to sneak into England or Japan's bed after watching a scary movie
a. According to England I am too old for that
34. I am not allowed to make perverted jokes using cowboy references
35. I am not allowed to use 'awesome' more than Prussia in sentences
36. I am not allowed to mention revolutions or civil wars to France
37. Nor am I allowed to mention French nobility during the French Revolution
38. I am not allowed to tell countries that I am Canada
a. It ruins Canada's reputation
b. It can be used as proof that I am trying to spy
39. I am not allowed to purchase or sample drugs from Mexico
40. I am not allowed to start a formal war with Mexico over wars
41. I am not allowed to commission someone else to start a war with Mexico on my behalf
42. I am not allowed to commission anyone to start or fight a war on my behalf
43. I am not allowed to make Chuck Norris jokes at the World Conference
a. No one else thinks they're funny
44. I am not allowed to lay claim to all of Antarctica
45. I am not allowed to meddle in European affairs without a formal invitation.
46. I am not to openly blame Russia or Cuba for the Bay of Pigs (see rule #3)
3. Bay of Pigs- America sent in troops to Cuba because of rumours of a Soviet missile base pointed at the U.S. Needless to say it failed, and the missiles were removed. One of the reasons Cuba hates America.
5. The astronauts who reached the moon first were Neil Armstrong, Buzz Aldrin, and Michael Collins (who remained in the shuttle and never actually landed on the moon, but got a really good view of the Earth and the dark side of the moon from space)
9. Even though kamikaze means "divine wind" and also refers to the typhoon that thwarted the Chinese invasion of Japan during the Yuan dynasty in China, in WWII the name was given to the suicide bombers used by Japan as they grew increasingly desperate. Often they flew Zero fighters, and many said that the sight of an incoming kamikaze was the most mentally disturbing and frightening thing for Navy-men on board a ship.
10. When Japan invaded China, the Japanese soldiers violently raped Chinese women and children. To this day, China has not received a formal apology from Japan, and the issue blocks progress in relations.
11. During WWII, Americans referred to Joseph Stalin as "Uncle Joe". When Stalin found out, he was not so appreciative and Roosevelt had to make a formal apology to him.
12. In Fablehaven (Brandon Mull), drinking the special milk opens the characters eyes to magical creatures such as fairies. In Animal Farm (George Orwell), when the Animals first take over the farm, they milk the cows before going to the fields. They leave Napoleon, the pig representing Stalin, with the milk, and return to find it gone, implying that Napoleon drank the milk. If we combine these storylines, you get "Stalin can see fairies".
13. At some point Denmark was convicted of handing prisoners-of-war over to America, who promptly used torture to glean information. They claimed (possibly rightly) that they had no idea that America would use torture.
16. 'Yahtzee' sounds like "Nazi"
19. Only Danish can master the language. It is painfully obvious if you are a foreigner. No matter how long you study the language, you can never master it.
26. China won't listen to American complaints because America has had mining incidents as well, even though China has had it on a much larger scale.
28. Russia did support the North during the civil war
40. Lots of drug trafficking along the American-Mexican border
42.The U.S. and Sweden have been encouraging Canada to go to war with Denmark for years. The two haven't gotten further than waving flags at each other.